Beth

Beth is nosy in the way that feels administrative. She needs to know what’s happening, why it’s happening, and whether there’s food involved. If there is food involved, she was always coming anyway.

She is aggressively food-motivated, lightly interested in the opinions of others, and perfectly comfortable wandering off mid-interaction to pursue something more important (crumbs, shadows, vibes). 

Beth does not follow the flock. She checks in briefly, decides it’s not her problem, and leaves.

As President of the Red House Welcoming Committee—an office she created and immediately filled—Beth believes it is her duty to:

• Approach newcomers first

• Stare at them intensely

• Offer absolutely no warmth or reassurance

T

his is not hostility. This is policy.

Beth is not cruel. She is not nurturing. She is busy. If she greets you, it’s because she’s verifying whether you are edible, useful, or in her way. Once that assessment is complete, she will disengage without explanation.

Beth runs on snacks, curiosity, and unilateral decisions.

The welcome may be brief.
The judgment is immediate.